当您和您的家人争夺Covid-19疫苗时该怎么办

What if you got aCOVID-19vaccine as soon as you possibly could, but your husband — or daughter, sister, grandfather, or cousin — refuses? Or maybe they keep putting it off, for myriad reasons: They don’t see the need, are worried about vaccine safety and side effects, suspect those in power of ulterior motives, don’t like being told what to do, or still want to wait and see.

There is yelling at the dinner table. You plead, bargain, lay on the guilt, rage, maybe even cry. To no avail. And resentment grows on both sides.

Disagreements about COVID-19 vaccination are splintering American families in ways that are both heartbreaking and infuriating.

These arguments sometimes make headlines. Consider a report from Vero Beach, Florida, about identical twin brothers in their late 50s with opposing views on COVID-19 vaccines. As described in the localTreasure Coast报纸和共享USA Today，这两名男子在2021年夏季均染上了Covid-19。未接种疫苗的双胞胎因糖尿病而患有较高的COVID-19并发症的风险更高，最终出现在呼吸器上并死亡。

Even without tragic outcomes like this, disagreements about COVID-19 vaccines are straining family relationships, leading to rifts between siblings, parents and children, husbands and wives.

“It’s easier for me to help families who have differing views on politics and religion,” saysKaren Gail Lewis, EdD, a marriage and family therapist in Silver Spring, Maryland. “Unlike those topics, you can’t simply agree to not talk about it. If you’re going to be in each other’s presence and someone isn’t vaccinated and won’t wear a mask, it’s a matter of your health.”

Though COVID-19 vaccines are widely available — and free — in this country, 1 in 3 adults was not fully vaccinated as of September 2021, according to the疾病预防与控制中心。

Among them is the 21-year-old son of a woman named Christine, age 50. (Christine, like the other people interviewed for this story, asked to remain incognito.) “I’m a receptionist in a doctor’s office, which means I have a high risk of exposure to COVID-19, so I was first in line for the vaccine,” says the Connecticut resident. “My husband and daughter are also vaccinated, but my son, who lives with us, doesn’t want to have anything to do with it.”

Not that Christine hasn’t attempted to talk him about it. She’s presented him with research, tried cajoling and, yes, arguing, in person and over text. “I’ve also encouraged him to do his own research, but he continues to believe that the fears about COVID are overblown and flat-out refuses to get the vaccine,” she says.

This, despite the fact that her son’s girlfriend is immunocompromised, that his grandmother often comes to visit, and that Christine herself is overweight, which puts her at anincreased risk of complicationsshould she become infected.

“I will always love my child, but right now I don’t like or support his choices,” she says. “It’s perplexing to me, because he has always been a kind and compassionate person, but nothing I do or say can get him to change his mind. I just can’t understand it.”

有关的：Should You Ask Your Hairdresser if They’ve Had a COVID-19 Vaccine?

不满的连锁反应

Tension over COVID-19 vaccines also tends to have a ripple effect on extended family, as social gatherings are disrupted or canceled — and mistrust brews.

Randal, a retired engineer in New York City, recalls when his 37-year-old nephew showed up unannounced at a Fourth of July get-together. At first, everyone was all smiles. “We hugged and kissed, shared meals, went boating together,” says Randal, age 66. “We all felt safe because we’d decided ahead of time that all the adults had to be vaccinated to be there. We wanted to be especially cautious, because one of our siblings is immunocompromised.”

Later that day, it came out that the nephew was unvaccinated. “We were all shocked and distraught,” Randal says. “When his dad tried to speak with him about our concerns, my nephew exploded in anger and threatened to leave.”

Randal texted his nephew an article the next day that explained how unvaccinated people could spread COVID-19. “I suggested that he was putting his niece and nephew at risk, who are still too young to be vaccinated. He was furious with me,” Randal says.

Similarly, family members’ decisions not to get vaccinated are causing tension between Lori, a 59-year-old hair stylist in Connecticut, and her husband — despite the fact that both she and her husband are immunized.

她说：“即使他的女儿 - 孩子的母亲 - 没有接种疫苗，他也想照顾他的孙女。”“我患有哮喘，在与医生交谈后，我对他不满意，尤其是因为他不会戴口罩。现在，我的丈夫觉得被困在中间，我们对此有很多分歧。”她说。

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同理心会有所作为

尽管这些室内分裂的固定性似乎似乎似乎是可以冷静地谈论疫苗的方法，而无需燃烧桥梁。“只要您采用同理心方法，甚至可以改变某人的想法。”Rupali J. Limaye, PhD, director of behavioral and implementation science at the International Vaccine Access Center at Johns Hopkins Bloomberg School of Public Health in Baltimore.

Limaye has spoken to more than 3,000 vaccine-hesitant people. “What I know first and foremost is that it never helps to say, ‘You’re wrong.’ You have to start from a point of empathy — maybe opening the conversation with something like, ‘I’m so sorry you have this concern.’”

Another way to build trust is to share how you’ve made your own vaccine decision, describing any struggles or worries you’ve had along the way. “I work in public health, but I have two kids under the age of 12, and I have lots of questions about getting them vaccinated,” says Limaye. “I share that, then I talk about what I’ve read, who I’ve spoken with, and how I go about making these decisions.”

有关的：Kids and COVID-19: What We Know Now

疫苗分歧可能反映出更大的情感问题

It’s also important to keep in mind that some family fights about vaccines may have deeper roots. “I’ve seen in my practice that the son or daughter who won’t get vaccinated may have always felt discounted in the family,” says Lewis. “As a therapist, I’ll help the family deal with these larger issues; the vaccine disagreement is just part of it.”

Outside of therapy, she says, there are approaches that, while they may not change someone’s mind, can at least keep family bonds from fraying irreparably.

刘易斯说：“而不是说‘只要获得该死的疫苗或戴上该死的面具，’您可以尝试采用更开放的方法。”她建议将这个问题构建为一系列问题：“我们有不同的意见，但是我们如何确保这不会成为持久的问题？”或者，“您对我们如何解决这个问题有任何想法或想法，以免分解家庭？”

有关的：Why Getting Back to Pre-Pandemic Routines May Sound Exhausting, Psychologists Say

有可能改变一个人吗’s Mind About COVID-19 Vaccines?

专家说，无论采用哪种方法，您都不会总是能够改变某人的想法。

“Some people are immovable,” says Limaye. “Sometimes, the only thing that changes a person’s mind is if someone they know or love gets COVID, or if they themselves do.”

That doesn’t mean giving up. “You have to keep trying, just like pediatricians do with parents who are reluctant to get their kids vaccinated,” says Limaye. “We bring up the subject at every child wellness visit. If you don’t get anywhere at first, you have to keep talking.”

If that feels overwhelming (not to mention unpleasant), Limaye suggests these tips for keeping the conversation — and the relationship — going:

• Start from a point of empathy, not antipathy.It never hurts to preface comments with something along the lines of “I love you and don’t want to lose you.”
• 听着，唐’t lecture.利亚伊说，您想找出真正阻止它们的原因。“这与政治有关吗？担心疫苗不安全？愿意倾听某人的担忧是建立信任的唯一方法。”
• 分享您自己的问题和焦虑。如果我们在大流行期间学到了任何东西，那就是疫苗科学很复杂。“重要的是要承认，我们所有人有时都不知道该怎么做 - 我们所有人都做出了艰难的决定。”
• Redirect the conversation.“If someone is喷出错误信息，与其纠正它们，我会说：“我不太确定，但这就是我学到的东西。”
• 提出与不情愿的人有关的例子’s life。Limaye说：“如果您有一个年长的亲戚，您可以说，‘想想奶奶 - 如果她变得兴奋，她可能会死。’“解决他们关心的人的问题，而不是对他们做，有时会有助于改变主意。”
• Keep your cool.利马耶说：“您能做的最糟糕的事情就是情绪激动。”
• If all else fails, impose sanctions。利马耶（Limaye）建议：“禁止疫苗利用的人不受可能容易受到病毒的人的家庭访问，就像老年亲戚一样，这是完全合理的。”

克里斯汀（Christine）一方面确保让别人与其他家庭一起参加社交活动时，她的儿子没有接种疫苗。她说：“有时候人们说他们不想让他来，我的儿子对此很好。”

“但是我感到很多愤怒，很多悲伤，很多担心 - 作为父母，我不想感到的所有事情。”